She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
