I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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