oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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