when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
