I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You work out of a Hotel?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
