She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
