Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
