Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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