using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize