Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
