Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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