I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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