If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
