If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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