Jerry, you need to find god
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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