If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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