we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
