Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
