I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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