I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
