You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
