I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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