I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
