If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
