So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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