Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
