That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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