If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
