I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
