how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
