oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize