I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize