Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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