There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
