I want to have your abortion
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
