In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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