we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
