and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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