She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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