I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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