I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
