you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
