Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
we're so committed to being not committed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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