I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
