So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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