i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
