the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize