Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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