I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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