Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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