I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Are we still banned from the library?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
