if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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