left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
