Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
