I think my vagina is haunted
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
