I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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