Absence makes the cock grow harder.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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