Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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