I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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