Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize