i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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