Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize