Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
