I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
honey bunches of taint.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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