I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
