It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
