sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
